strong girls

I set out to conduct this interview with my middle kid, MJ, who always seems to get lost in the shuffle. And I stumbled through what I would ask her: in my head, on paper, up at night when I couldn’t sleep–you name it. I realized I was missing the point of her speaking about strong girls because I was so caught up in the message and worried she wouldn’t have anything to say about it. Or worse, would show my camera, me and the entire world that she wasn’t strong (gasp). Or that she hadn’t thought about it. Because, ehhh, well she is a pretty quiet kid.

I mean, god forbid I have a member of the family, let alone a girl, who doesn’t know how to kick the doors in on life.

But she showed me otherwise. And it wasn’t until she was paddling around, waiting for the others to swim away, that she just outright came to me with who she was and what she was after. I spent several days floundering over how to even bring the subject up–and here she was dishing it out, exactly her way. Soft spoken. Tiny. And super sure of herself. All I had to do was listen. And learn to be there for her more. And quit trying to put a name to who or what she is. She is MJ, and that’s that.

Back when I used to attempt corporate career momlife (haha), I went to a team building event. It was all about how extroverts (like me) and introverts (like MJ) can work together. Extroverts stereotypically like to talk and talk and talk and overshare even if you didn’t ask. Introverts stereotypically like to keep to themselves, are shy and have nothing to say or contribute.

But if the extroverts would just stop sucking all the air out of the room (i.e. shut up and listen), the introverts would have a moment to process and draw in enough breath to respond without their 30 seconds of fame being up.

MJ is a good exercise in the art of me shutting up. And of not worrying about her anymore–because I shouldn’t, she’s got this. She is the exact opposite of what you’d assume strength to be–stereotypically: She’s like 10 lbs soaking wet. She’s long and lean like a string bean. She keeps a detailed journal jammed under her mattress and she reads books that are thousands of pages long. She has an obsession with mechanical pencils. Quiet indeed–UNTIL she opens her mouth and her brain starts showing me up. Which is exactly what I love about her.

Because there’s nothing better than finding strength and tenacity in the unexpected.

So-Called Mom

This has been a wonderfully energizing week since I posted about Body Positivity. The response from the greater So-Called Mom community has been overwhelming and helped me appreciate that I have reached a few people. More importantly, you’ve truly motivated me with your support.

It’s tough being a parent, and basically unreachable to be a perfect mom, so I’m glad to keep meeting moms and dads out there who are also just making it up as we go along.

I’ve been inspired by the conversations I’ve had with many of you over the past weeks and by my four incredible girls to do something different.

I’m going to wrap the entire month of July around one theme: raising feminists. And, there will be a thoughtful giveaway to help us connect and celebrate.

Let me explain my thinking: The world being what it is – and I won’t get into politics here – it’s ever more important that women of all ages find their voices and gain the confidence to discover who they are or want to be. And while I’ve never been one for labels, I’m ready to call it out now. And more importantly, raise my kids to feel comfortable calling themselves feminists.

Both the girls and the boys.

It’s not enough just to be a strong mom thinking it’s all going to filter down. It doesn’t happen like that.

I’m going to use my mom-soapbox both inside and outside the home to up my game. Let’s together spend the next month having the conversation about raising the next generation of feminists. Loud, nasty, confident, powerful young women and men who will run for office, fight for rights, skateboard, invent, design, build, start companies and make general noise without any bias towards gender.

Power to you,