body positive

So-Called FREE Time: Back to School

by SoCalledMom · Sep 15, 2017

Remember this? Working on science fair projects while cleaning pasta sauce off the kitchen ceiling, balancing a gnarly diaper in one hand and a smelly baby in the other, running to answer the door because the electrical guy needs access to the breaker box (wherever that is) while the doctor’s office is calling to reschedule the appointment you’d forgotten about anyway? That was me last year. This year? Not so much, and I’m kind of weirded out by it.

Those were the days when we’d get through it all by sucking down wine at the end of the night and hopefully stealing a late night soak in the tub to wash it all (including that baby poop smell) down the drain. We’d let our minds sneak off to that place that we fondly recall as the days before we had kids…

Well, now that every last one of the kids is in school, we have free time again. And although it’s different now, and there’s really no getting back to that pre-kids place, do we know what the hell to do with ourselves? I don’t. And I didn’t prepare for it either.

What is it about being a mom that keeps us laser focused on everything else but ourselves? In the meantime, we’ve forgotten who we are as beautiful women, as a person with a passion, and a human being who makes mistakes. But in the process of being a perfect mom who balances the universe on our shoulders, never letting our kids down, we’re letting ourselves down and running ourselves into the ground–albeit with a (forced) smile on our face.

The worst part? No one really asks this of us. We just voluntarily throw ourselves off the cliff like lemmings, landing face-first and resentful as this weeks trending mom-martyr. And so, when life ~~presents us~~ crowns us with a bundle of free time each day, we sort of let it eat us alive, rather than the other way around. At least that is how I have felt the first couple of weeks have been since back-to-school surprised me with this awkward emptiness. I have not dominated my use of free time. It has knocked me out and I’m trying to get up gracefully, like it never happened.

So, check out the video above, where I detail five ways us So-Called Moms can get our groove back. If you have something to add, please do so by plugging your ideas into the comments below; I’d love to know what you do to make the most out of your time.

Have the most fabulous weekend ever,

So-Called Mom

What Size is Body Positivity?

by SoCalledMom · Jul 15, 2017

Since I posted about Body Positivity during the World Naked Bike Ride in Portland, I have received a variety of responses. I thought it would be important to address some of the negativity since those comments seemed to come from folks who’ve completely missed the point.

Ignorant people do have a redeeming quality: they can change.

But it takes effort and a whole lot of consciousness. It takes unlearning things from a difficult childhood, releasing old hangups, and forgiving the crap that society has told them is true.

I have read articles about how thin, attractive people should have nothing to say about body image.

You’re already perfect, so stop thinking you belong among the masses who aren’t. But I truly believe that a positive body image has very little to do with what size you are. That it affects all of us, no matter what category or stigma we find ourselves in. We all have the right to contribute our voices to this movement and it’ s important not to censor one another.

Our brains are programmed to believe everything we tell it, so it’s never too late to start giving it new and improved information.

So Called Mom

The Power of Words

by SoCalledMom · Jul 7, 2017

You’re fat, ugly and annoying.

Those are powerful words that can easily last a lifetime. And not just this, but these are words that get passed down through a long cycle of hurt–from decades of name calling that has become normalized as part of a girl growing up.

I decided to interview 9 year old Pascal to see what her take was on name calling.

Girls learn from an early age not to work together to feel empowered and boost each other to love themselves and be exactly who they are. They are encouraged to suffer through comparison, name calling and shame. Hurtful words are more than powerful. They are formulaic: The perfect combination creates eating disorders, massive self esteem issues and maybe even raises young women to seek abusive relationships.

But when we hold the weight of harmful words at an arms length and consider the source, we discover the power we have within ourselves to break the cycle. When we view cutting phrases generically and decide up front not to attach them to who we are–the deep and complex (however social) beings that we are, we can stop their effects from even breaking the surface of our soul. Because the source of such painful statements, comes from pain itself. It’s like a virus that is passed from girl to girl, boy to girl, girl to boy, man, woman, generation to generation. We have the power to say: No. This stops with me.

You are beautiful and unique and really fabulous, so says Pascal. Please take her word for it. She seems to know what she’s talking about.

So-Called Mom

A Lesson in Body Positivity

by SoCalledMom · Jun 26, 2017

This past weekend I rode my bike completely nude with tens of thousands of strangers in Portland, Oregon.

For years, I thought I understood the reason for this wild parade of strangers: a protest on fossil fuel, bike rights and safety, and of course the biggest component of all: Getting naked to advocate for body positivity.

It wasn’t until I joined in on this spectacle that I became fully aware of the importance of the ride: In the past it felt enough to attend and show support just by being there. But my hangups over getting stripped down prevented me from joining in because, well, what if people look at me?

Well that’s kind of the point.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that when I arrived in the park, I was searching for a tree or bush to get undressed behind.

Initially, I was too embarrassed to just take it all off in the middle of an open field among so many others who were already undressed. I reminded myself why I was there and forced myself to strip down, trying not to look like I was raised by a conservative East Coast family. My cheeks went red, but my body was relieved. It was after all, dusk and still 80+ degrees out. I stashed my clothes in my bag and started walking with my bike, trying not to stare at anyone, trying to get underneath why I was so uncomfortable. And then it hit me.

As women especially, we’ve been cultivated to look at other women and compare ourselves to them.

We do it all day, every day and mostly without knowing it. We do it to judge and ultimately see how we measure up against others—hereby judging ourselves. We make assumptions based on what we see and discount all the life that has taken place in between: A bad hair day, a parking ticket, a death in the family. And then our minds file all that visual proof so we can use it to apply to ourselves destructively, as needed. When we become mothers, we do the same with our children in tow and sometimes allow ourselves to spoon feed this disgusting habit directly into their mouths because we fear we might have to explain to them what it’s like to be different, as thought it were a bad thing. Especially when all we really want is for them to belong.

But I learned that removing the barrier of clothes, that cheap and easy veil of judgement, that we really do all belong. And that even though it felt vulnerable to remove the fake security that clothing suggested to me at the start, it really was a relief. What started as a feeling of powerlessness, transformed into overwhelming strength and empowerment by the end of the night.

I realized that when nakedness is normalized, beauty comes into crystal clear focus, and judgement falls away.

I felt this empowerment take over especially for women. That for the time being, our bodies had a day off. A time-out from being exploited, shamed and encouraged to play the comparison game. We took a hiatus from being the driver of mass marketing. That for just one night our bodies could have a free moment to not be the reason food and beer looks tastier. That we could forget the torture of why bodies look so damn fresh and clean with soap running down a flat stomach unmarred by the scars of a difficult childbirth.

That I could let myself stare, oogle and giggle at all of our bodies under a better light of hope: We are different. We are shapely. We are defined by our lines, angles, our scars, our lives. What we have underneath is better than what you see on top. And it is all beautiful and exactly as it should be. Exactly you.

Please, let’s agree to stop looking at one another like we’re earmarking it for days we need to feel better or worse about ourselves. Let’s agree to notice when we are and to interrupt our thoughts by recalling the day we rode next to one another, free from judgement. Let’s embrace our thighs, our tummies, our hips and our strength; Let’s group it all together and pass it on like a gift. And let’s share all of it day after day with our kids. I promise to.

Exposed and loving it,

So-Called Mom

If you like me, please considering making a contribution =) Use the drop down menu here, there are several contribution levels to choose from.