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Coronavirus Journal: Entry 5

by SoCalledMom · Mar 31, 2020

Reinvent Yourself: from making do, to making it happen

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Like many of you, I’m still riding the wave of emotion since our self-isolation has turned into state and national lockdown. One day, I’m doing fine and loving precious time spent with my family, and the next? I’m crying and helpless, forcing myself to do something, anything, just to get through the day.

In a blended family of nine, you’re kind of forced to be creative at all times. Creativity is survival around here. And I mean creative with finances, creative with food, creative with entertainment, you name it. Just add nearly 15 years of this and it all adds up: Gardening is a great example of this and I’m so happy summertime is on its way.

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One thing I will say I miss terribly from my regular routine, is shopping. I admit this sounds quite shallow at a time like this, but getting ready for life and work is something that has boosted how I feel about myself over the years. Clothes improve my mood; fun, funky, comfortable, easy clothes. If I feel like I look awesome, then I have a jammin’ day. Seriously, it’s that easy. That said, here are some acceptable staples to stay at home with:

https://amzn.to/2JrWo7a
*affiliate link*

You may not know what a self help junkie I am. A pessimist at heart, I have been working hard to re-wire my brain for a more positive outlook. Essentially, much like how you can speak negatively to yourself and believe it, the same is also true for positive self-talk. The more we interrupt the negativity and reframe our thinking, the more change-in-a-good-way we’ll see. These are my top three to get started:

https://amzn.to/2QWYikk
*affiliate link*

Last but not least here are some staples to help with making your days spent in isolation simplified, organized and, of course, special:

https://amzn.to/3bzYzl5
*affiliate link*

How are you staying busy/engaged/creative? How are you giving yourself space to experience the emotional swing each day brings fourth? Remember, I need human connection, too–so I’d love to hear from you. <3

Big time love on a (very good) day,

So Called Mom

*Affiliate Link* Disclosure: Bear in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

Covid-19 Journal: Day Two

by SoCalledMom · Mar 20, 2020

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After all the news of shut downs and closures finally starting to happen, I now realize we’re going to be here for much longer than any of us anticipated. If you and I thought two weeks was long, try eight. Or three months. Or however long this thing will last.

Since we’ve already been self-quarantined for going on three weeks ourselves, I’m accepting it: Life will forever be changed and there is nothing we can do to get back to the way it once was.

As a society, the majority of people living and working in the US have lived the last 10-15 years doing way too much. Everyone is hustling. Moving up. Getting ahead. Trying to catch a break. Therefore we’re overworked and still don’t feel like we’re enough. We’ve learned to multitask ourselves into the ground and become so multifaceted, there isn’t enough time for rest or sleep. We’re always on. Always available. Always exhausted. And we have evolved to be extra time sensitive. There isn’t enough of us to go around, to get it all done. And so it’s hustle hustle hustle. You’d better do it well, and do it quickly. We’ve been persevering like sharks in a tight tank—forever moving forward, circling ourselves, so we don’t drown.

This increasingly intense behavior has taught us over the course of at least a half a lifetime, that going slow is bad. That taking the time to do something, means it’s not worth it. Our patience has dwindled—with ourselves and with each other. And the knee jerk reaction is always to step it up.

As a busy mom of seven, and with a full time career, I know the incessant feeling of not feeling like I’m good at much of anything. There simply isn’t time to zero in or hone my craft. I hate that feeling and I have often dreamed of stepping away from doing things that reinforce this feeling of inadequacy.

Indeed, the thing I think about most is living a slower life. This fantasy includes me doing less, and being able to still make ends meet, with a reduced income. It means reusing and repurposing. It means being more conscious and producing way less waste. If I could flip a switch now, I’d be on farm and in a home with only the things we need and use. The kids pitch in more than they currently do—and we can function like a small company.

Part of me realizes this thinking is unrealistic, head-in-the-clouds, la-la-land-type nonsense, but another part of me recognizes that it’s time to make some of this a reality. In terms of the tragedy currently unfolding before our very eyes, slow living is the answer. It is the way we’ll get through this. Slowing down intentionally will reduce panic and anxiety. And it will take time to adjust and undo all the years spent doing nothing but stepping it up. But it’s worth it, because what’s the alternative? I can’t come up with an answer.

Dialing down the intensity of life could look like this: Doing less, trying to re-center in the present moment, put an emphasis on people you care about and even know when to unplug. The point is to reduce chaos to enjoy life more; take your foot off the gas pedal and try to coast a little bit. To get out of the fast lane. Right now. Instead of freaking out about being cooped up with family you’re realizing you barely know, shift. Do something that previously felt like it barely mattered, and do it together.

Yesterday I woke up and found myself digging through our craft bin. I found some loose origami paper and looked up how to make something simple like swans. I drank my coffee and made swan after swan until it was memorized and everyone else was up. Then they joined me.

We have a bunch of stuff to use that I never got around to tossing after our previous attempts at homeschooling, but even if you don’t have these things, have no fear. Have a pair of scissors and some shoeboxes? Make box robots, or small houses with cardboard furniture. Make finger puppets from an old t-shirt and a needle & thread. Dismantle an old dvd player and repurpose the pieces.

The time is now to use your imagination. Let go of all the other stuff we’ve been programmed to cling to. It simply doesn’t matter anymore and will not be of use moving forward.

Creativity is the new normal. However we rebound, we will forever be changed by this. Emerge with a strengthened sense of self by slowing down.

Stay sane, parents. This too will eventually pass.

xo, So Called Mom

Remember This Day

by SoCalledMom · Mar 15, 2020

Yesterday I was inspired to film and write this poem as I watched my youngest son play, oblivious to the terrible tragedy that has occurred in our world, and is about to hit our home of Washington state and the rest of the USA so hard. This is the start of my coronavirus journal. My hope is that it gives other people hope. Hang on, you are not alone. Please share….you never know who needs to see this. We are in it together.

xo,

So Called Mom

Remember this day we’ll need it tomorrow to drum up the memories that we’ll need to borrow

From talking and laughing and every breakthrough all the growing and learning I’ve looked forward to

Tomorrow will change it will feel like a year and too far from what once felt so near and so dear

But today is the now we can still hang on tight to the brightness that will pass on to a starry night

And so I’ve given you all that I got and it pales in comparison to the joy that you’ve brought

I wish I could promise a different tomorrow to ensure our new memories don’t lead to sorrow

So hold on to this day as the times that you knew life was simple and good and I’ll remember it too

Intentional Living for a Family of Nine | Let’s Get Minimal

by SoCalledMom · Jan 2, 2019

Two months before Christmas, I made a horrible mistake.

I started reading several books about minimalism, intentionalism, mindfulness and using the power of less to add more to your life. This recipe for disaster had me not only dragging my heels when the rest of the world was out shopping and spreading transactional cheer, but also considering the stuff we already had and finding reasons to discard & donate.

Only two trips and two Volvo-loads of stuff later, I returned home to find our stuff had multiplied.

Because, like….Christmas hits us like a tidal wave every single year. I used to run and hide, but now I charge ahead, knowing I’ll get bowled over anyway. It is a no-win scenario because in the past, we have been known to walk into Christmas with loose intentions, and way-too-high expectations. There is some kind of sick victory in loosing the battle, truly believing I’m winning (I believe that is called denial). Needless to say, everyone got what they wanted because I’m a sucker (and guilt monger) for disappointment. It’s not a bratty kid thing, I definitely think my kids understand the concept of gratitude. It’s just that there’s something missing from it all.

The more I think about it, the more I believe it’s a moment of pause that each of us is lacking. And in “pausing” when you are getting, getting, getting, and then maybe expressing gratitude, (i.e. taking a breather from screens: another out-of-control form of over indulgence for my family), etc–you tend to generate the kind of awareness that causes a natural assessment of consumption. And, according to all of these books I’ve plowed through–when you become aware of consuming, it spreads to all areas of your life: Self care, clearing clutter (and not just stuff, but people and jobs that no longer serve you), mental health, emotional well-being, diet and exercise….in other words, leading you towards the kind of life you’ve always dreamed of: A life of purpose–discovered through the process of letting go.

And what comes next? You guessed it: When we begin living a life that is in alignment with exactly who we strive to be–happiness is the end result.

I don’t know about you, but I’m double fisting that Kool-Aid and making an extra batch to send in the kids’ school lunches. This very clear and linear road to success has me just about throwing things out the window and I’m trying not to second guess my propensity to set us all up for failure.

Even though all of this information would have been nice to have long before Christmas, you know the So Called Mom way: Better late than never.

And in achieving this higher state of awareness, all I need to do is convince the other seven kids (plus Pippin, who is already skeptical) to hop on board.

Any tips & tricks you have on getting minimal and intentional in a big family are welcome!

In the meantime, here are the books that have exorcized my demons:

Make Space by Regina Wong

Goodbye, Things by Fumio Sasaki

The Mindful Day by Laurie J. Cameron

Spark Joy by Marie Kondo (Spark Joy is a sequel to The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, a great introduction bookif you’re just getting your feet wet)

I hope you join us on this trip to minimal-ville. We have a long road ahead of us and an uncertain road map!

Hitch a ride, we’re just getting started!

So Called Mom

So Called Mom in PARIS!

by SoCalledMom · Oct 23, 2018

It’s been awhile, but I’m glad to be back for Season Two of So Called Mom!

I landed a sweet job, well, two sweet jobs and they have been both wonderful and complicated to say the least.

Wonderful: A whole world of opportunity has opened up. Travel! Work I love! A paycheck!

Complicated: I am still a mom of 7 kids who all have lives of their own….and it’s not getting easier.

Will I survive?

xo, So Called Mom

Seven Kindergartens Later: So Called Loneliness

by SoCalledMom · Sep 23, 2017

This has been a tough week…

I have been struggling with separation anxiety all week, now that all seven of my kids are finally school age, i.e. not at home anymore. I believe that in the ring of getting older, this is the right hook of empty nest syndrome, with the final jab knocking me down for the count: the kids leaving home for good.

No matter how prepared I think I am, I’m just not. I know I parade around on this page as though I haven’t given up my life for my kids, but when they’re gone like this, I realize how much I actually have. I went from grasping tiny and even medium sized hands for years to grasping at straws–in what feels like no time at all.

When Pippin and I met, it was an instant party.

Combined, we had 5 kids under age 6 when we got together. And because that wasn’t enough, we had two more. We were young ourselves, and Pippin was the perfect partner in all the blended chaos. I remember reading back then about how blended families have a 25% chance of making it past a year before they are usually faced with another divorce. That figure crushed me. I understood why, but when we blazed a trail past each year, still together and still very much in love, I knew we had cracked the code. I felt lucky, overwhelmed, tired, but well-loved and in so many different ways.

I had kids that were mine that weren’t his; kids that were his that weren’t mine; and we had kids together. It wasn’t long before I became concerned that each child would feel lost in our gaggle and made it my personal quest to ensure each one would find their way, and seek out who they are, what makes them unique, and still a very necessary cog in our crazy family wheel.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because not once did I ever think it would change.

Why? Because when we were all together, piled in our 12 passenger Econoline, or all attempting to sleep on the same never-big-enough mattress in the wee hours of the morning when they were collectively much smaller, everything was perfect. I mean, we were far from normal, but this was everything I ever wanted, without really knowing it.

Everyone around me was shocked: She could handle seven kids, let alone one? Yessir, and these kids were everything that defined, or re-defined, family for me: wacky, emotional, hilarious and inconvenient–but chock full of endless, breathtaking love. No wonder I handed over my life to them–what in the hell was I before them? I couldn’t remember because I scrubbed it from my mind for a reason. This was my life now: a permanent upgrade–or so I thought.

Fast forward to today.

Imagine seven different kindergarten goodbyes, spread out over 13 years. You’d think I was a pro by now and although I can handle back to school paperwork in my sleep these days and have even gotten really good at turning down school-wide pleas for me to join the PTA (I jest), I’m definitely not good at the letting go thing. And it’s especially compounded when they are doing so well away from me, and I need to pretend that I am too.

That’s the best picture I’ve seen you draw. You made it all the way across the monkey bars with no help? You spelled your entire name with no help? You check out a library book on spiders all by yourself? Oh, what did I do today? Well, I thought of how great you are doing and then I did some laundry. Unfortunately I had no planned response in my back pocket to offer–that was better at least, than a soggy sandwich reply like thinking of you and laundry.

So the best thing I can do for myself is to look for a job; I simply can’t take the quiet. They go do their thing during the day and I go and do mine and we can talk about it each night and I can adjust. Slowly but surely. So that I can ultimately get myself ready for those much bigger goodbyes coming down the line…and if I’m not mistaken, my first is about seven months out.

Better get good at this,

So-Called Mom

So-Called FREE Time: Back to School

by SoCalledMom · Sep 15, 2017

Remember this? Working on science fair projects while cleaning pasta sauce off the kitchen ceiling, balancing a gnarly diaper in one hand and a smelly baby in the other, running to answer the door because the electrical guy needs access to the breaker box (wherever that is) while the doctor’s office is calling to reschedule the appointment you’d forgotten about anyway? That was me last year. This year? Not so much, and I’m kind of weirded out by it.

Those were the days when we’d get through it all by sucking down wine at the end of the night and hopefully stealing a late night soak in the tub to wash it all (including that baby poop smell) down the drain. We’d let our minds sneak off to that place that we fondly recall as the days before we had kids…

Well, now that every last one of the kids is in school, we have free time again. And although it’s different now, and there’s really no getting back to that pre-kids place, do we know what the hell to do with ourselves? I don’t. And I didn’t prepare for it either.

What is it about being a mom that keeps us laser focused on everything else but ourselves? In the meantime, we’ve forgotten who we are as beautiful women, as a person with a passion, and a human being who makes mistakes. But in the process of being a perfect mom who balances the universe on our shoulders, never letting our kids down, we’re letting ourselves down and running ourselves into the ground–albeit with a (forced) smile on our face.

The worst part? No one really asks this of us. We just voluntarily throw ourselves off the cliff like lemmings, landing face-first and resentful as this weeks trending mom-martyr. And so, when life ~~presents us~~ crowns us with a bundle of free time each day, we sort of let it eat us alive, rather than the other way around. At least that is how I have felt the first couple of weeks have been since back-to-school surprised me with this awkward emptiness. I have not dominated my use of free time. It has knocked me out and I’m trying to get up gracefully, like it never happened.

So, check out the video above, where I detail five ways us So-Called Moms can get our groove back. If you have something to add, please do so by plugging your ideas into the comments below; I’d love to know what you do to make the most out of your time.

Have the most fabulous weekend ever,

So-Called Mom