So Called Mom

SoCalledMom

Coronavirus Journal Entry 5: Unschooling During a Pandemic

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I’m not sure what this whole craze is about pressing ahead with homeschooling. This isn’t a time to accelerate, especially with our kids. If anything, this is a time to completely take your foot off the gas and re-connect with them over super slow days jam packed with a clean slate.

Now is the time to talk about what is going on in the world. It is time to ask them what they think. It is time to ask: if you could do anything at all, and know you aren’t going to be judged or graded, what would that be? You might be surprised with the response.

In the past I have repeatedly lost the war over screen time. This is not the time to go at it again. On a similar note, I have let my kids quit school before to take up homeschooling. It went well enough for them to survive it. I feel like this is another one of those times where letting our kids off the hook is a good thing. This definitely includes school.

Instead of logging into ZOOM, do something else. Go for a walk, make some art, build a huge fort in Minecraft together. Do something that previously might not have mattered and let it take up your time together. Now is what we have, so seize it by zeroing out the stress of perseverance.

If you’re looking for a few neat projects (without pressure!) to do together, I have a list of things that have worked for us noted below: The Eames House of Cards has been a fun tool for us; sometimes we’ve created wacky structures while talking about tween life, breakups, ways to approach your new boss and also plain talk, free from weighty subject matter. It’s a self explanatory zen game, really, and just as fun to work with others, as it is alone.

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We’ve had success making the planetary mobile above as it has led to some long term interest, conversations, questions and fascinations about space. And I cannot SING enough praises about what a difference adding a growing fixture has made to our little indoor garden. For instructions on how to grow one using materials your quarantined-self already has, check out this handy-dandy video tutorial I made.

If you know me at all, you know I love dressing up…even if I have nowhere to go. In any case, this ensemble reminds me of my kindergarten teacher when I went to that funky hippie school in Connecticut. Just go with it, no one will see you, you sexy beast. 🙂

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Finally, here are some really great books that have helped me transition from traditional school, to homeschool and finally unschooling. Side note: The book titled: What your Second Grader needs to Know is one of those state assessment/common core nonsense books. I appreciate this one because it merely serves as a guide to see where your kid is at versus what society is expecting. It barely matters to me, so I’ve used this as a jumping off point only, when Leopold transitioned last year.

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I hope everyone is doing alright out there. At least doing the best they possibly can be. We are stronger together and our kids are right here, are by our side.

xo, So Called Mom

Coronavirus Journal: Entry 5

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Reinvent Yourself: from making do, to making it happen

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Like many of you, I’m still riding the wave of emotion since our self-isolation has turned into state and national lockdown. One day, I’m doing fine and loving precious time spent with my family, and the next? I’m crying and helpless, forcing myself to do something, anything, just to get through the day.

In a blended family of nine, you’re kind of forced to be creative at all times. Creativity is survival around here. And I mean creative with finances, creative with food, creative with entertainment, you name it. Just add nearly 15 years of this and it all adds up: Gardening is a great example of this and I’m so happy summertime is on its way.

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One thing I will say I miss terribly from my regular routine, is shopping. I admit this sounds quite shallow at a time like this, but getting ready for life and work is something that has boosted how I feel about myself over the years. Clothes improve my mood; fun, funky, comfortable, easy clothes. If I feel like I look awesome, then I have a jammin’ day. Seriously, it’s that easy. That said, here are some acceptable staples to stay at home with:

You may not know what a self help junkie I am. A pessimist at heart, I have been working hard to re-wire my brain for a more positive outlook. Essentially, much like how you can speak negatively to yourself and believe it, the same is also true for positive self-talk. The more we interrupt the negativity and reframe our thinking, the more change-in-a-good-way we’ll see. These are my top three to get started:

Last but not least here are some staples to help with making your days spent in isolation simplified, organized and, of course, special:

How are you staying busy/engaged/creative? How are you giving yourself space to experience the emotional swing each day brings fourth? Remember, I need human connection, too–so I’d love to hear from you. <3

Big time love on a (very good) day,

So Called Mom

*Affiliate Link* Disclosure: Bear in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

Coronavirus Journal – Entry 4

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Well, I *had* a new Journal entry written out for you, but then I checked in with my kids on camera. Watch what happened when I interviewed the experts on hope and leadership:

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With each new day brings about an entirely new shitstorm to wake up to. The false guarantee previously known as the American dream has splintered into an unfixable mess.

This morning I woke up curious about hope. Where does it come from and how do we get more of it? 

To me, hope is an evolving relationship. It comes from our past experiences and is fed forward into the future. It’s a lifeline that smothers our frayed nerves and tells us to keep going. It tells you to open your eyes wide and look around. Now count what you see: those things will get you through this.

Now that we’re collectively in the eye of the storm, or are about to be, what does hope and leadership mean to you? What do your kids say about all of this? Please tell me we’re not alone here….

xo,

So Called Mom

Coronavirus Journal: Day Three

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I had a dream last night that a vaccination was made for the Coronavirus but the president wouldn’t allow it. I woke up pissed off and afraid and also worried that it wasn’t really a dream. 

Sometimes my thoughts just zoom way out of my reality and I can’t come to terms with what’s really going on in our world. But then I see beautiful people singing on their balconies in an effort to help everyone feel like they aren’t alone in this. 

And then I realize this *is* our reality. Coming together over this very preventable travesty has brought about a new version of myself. 

If yesterday was designated as a day to consciously move slower and with more intention, let today be the day we realize what we do have:

Each other. 

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Today I’m celebrating people fighting the good fight. I’m celebrating the planet which apparently is trying to tell us how much they needed a break from us. I’m trying to refocus this forced pause on our lives, into opportunity. What are we learning from this as each day goes on? 

I’m learning that while anything can happen, one thing is for certain: Our filthy excuse for a presidential administration will not prevail. We will. 

Thanks to everyone who is working overtime to protect, serve and give others the will to survive. We all are for ever indebted to you. 

xo,

So called mom

Covid-19 Journal: Day Two

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After all the news of shut downs and closures finally starting to happen, I now realize we’re going to be here for much longer than any of us anticipated. If you and I thought two weeks was long, try eight. Or three months. Or however long this thing will last.

Since we’ve already been self-quarantined for going on three weeks ourselves, I’m accepting it: Life will forever be changed and there is nothing we can do to get back to the way it once was.

As a society, the majority of people living and working in the US have lived the last 10-15 years doing way too much. Everyone is hustling. Moving up. Getting ahead. Trying to catch a break. Therefore we’re overworked and still don’t feel like we’re enough. We’ve learned to multitask ourselves into the ground and become so multifaceted, there isn’t enough time for rest or sleep. We’re always on. Always available. Always exhausted. And we have evolved to be extra time sensitive. There isn’t enough of us to go around, to get it all done. And so it’s hustle hustle hustle. You’d better do it well, and do it quickly. We’ve been persevering like sharks in a tight tank—forever moving forward, circling ourselves, so we don’t drown. 

This increasingly intense behavior has taught us over the course of at least a half a lifetime, that going slow is bad. That taking the time to do something, means it’s not worth it. Our patience has dwindled—with ourselves and with each other. And the knee jerk reaction is always to step it up.

As a busy mom of seven, and with a full time career, I know the incessant feeling of not feeling like I’m good at much of anything. There simply isn’t time to zero in or hone my craft. I hate that feeling and I have often dreamed of stepping away from doing things that reinforce this feeling of inadequacy.

Indeed, the thing I think about most is living a slower life. This fantasy includes me doing less, and being able to still make ends meet, with a reduced income. It means reusing and repurposing. It means being more conscious and producing way less waste. If I could flip a switch now, I’d be on farm and in a home with only the things we need and use. The kids pitch in more than they currently do—and we can function like a small company.

Part of me realizes this thinking is unrealistic, head-in-the-clouds, la-la-land-type nonsense, but another part of me recognizes that it’s time to make some of this a reality. In terms of the tragedy currently unfolding before our very eyes, slow living is the answer. It is the way we’ll get through this. Slowing down intentionally will reduce panic and anxiety. And it will take time to adjust and undo all the years spent doing nothing but stepping it up. But it’s worth it, because what’s the alternative? I can’t come up with an answer.

Dialing down the intensity of life could look like this: Doing less, trying to re-center in the present moment, put an emphasis on people you care about and even know when to unplug. The point is to reduce chaos to enjoy life more; take your foot off the gas pedal and try to coast a little bit. To get out of the fast lane. Right now. Instead of freaking out about being cooped up with family you’re realizing you barely know, shift. Do something that previously felt like it barely mattered, and do it together. 

Yesterday I woke up and found myself digging through our craft bin. I found some loose origami paper and looked up how to make something simple like swans. I drank my coffee and made swan after swan until it was memorized and everyone else was up. Then they joined me.

We have a bunch of stuff to use that I never got around to tossing after our previous attempts at homeschooling, but even if you don’t have these things, have no fear. Have a pair of scissors and some shoeboxes? Make box robots, or small houses with cardboard furniture. Make finger puppets from an old t-shirt and a needle & thread. Dismantle an old dvd player and repurpose the pieces. 

The time is now to use your imagination. Let go of all the other stuff we’ve been programmed to cling to. It simply doesn’t matter anymore and will not be of use moving forward.

Creativity is the new normal. However we rebound, we will forever be changed by this. Emerge with a strengthened sense of self by slowing down. 

Stay sane, parents. This too will eventually pass.

xo, So Called Mom

Coronavirus Journal: Day One

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First of all, I’m trying not to get supremely annoyed by the fact that I’ve started a Coronavirus journal. For what its worth I feel drawn to cover this experience as it unfolds and hopefully provide you with something helpful. Like most of us, I was thinking this would blow over—however once the news about Italy took over my feed, I was sure the US would be next in line for this horrifying outbreak.

Therefore, life as we know it, is officially over.

Because we live in Washington, the epicenter of this outbreak, I’m thankful Pippin insisted on keeping the kids home from school for the last two weeks, despite State officials not acting quickly to close until yesterday. AND despite receiving a notice from the kids’ school threatening to file a petition with juvenile court because of their absences. At this point, we have about a three-week run on this thing.

But none of that matters today. It feels very much on the brink of every man for himself now. I hope it doesn’t get that crazy, but the lack of experience us privileged Americans have with this kind of thing has me thinking otherwise. So, I’m glad we’ve been self-isolated for a stretch of time, except a couple big trips to the store and me getting my things from work so I can attempt to focus and work from home.

Like many moms and dads, I’m working on not going insane while keeping the kids from going going insane or driving each other insane. I suppose an upside to this mess is that I once used to homeschool the kids and have never relied too much on the school system for getting the job done anyway. That doesn’t mean I did the best job at it either—but it does mean that we have tons of homeschool supplies and I’m not afraid to use them….or, better yet, let them use them. Because lets just admit, us parents are freaking out too, so any time spent on learning, needs to be self-guided. 

Its fair to say that being in a blended family for almost 15 years has already prepped us for mayhem. Initially I was thinking this experience would be a walk in the park since we all have developed such a high tolerance for each other. This whole outbreak thing does feel next-level, however—and I’m not betting on anything going smoothly. Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I’m working on keeping everyone busy. My school age kids have been stressed out about their homework and school projects….which we’ve already told them to completely forget about. We just keep redirecting them because it’s all we can do. 

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Since we’re all in the same boat, let me offer something here: If you are in the midst of this terrible outbreak or if it’s just getting started where you are— I have some ways I think I can help. Something I’ve seen mentioned a few times already on twitter is the potential for a big uptick in divorce. Families who are used to steady lives will be most affected by this. I’m assuming possibly many people have low tolerance when it comes to interruptions. Just add cramped spaces and increasing tension. But my family was built on chaos and so I think I can help.

The first thing you should do for your kids is establish creative hubs throughout the house—get out some books, art supplies, board games–whatever– and designate a few spaces. Get out the cookbooks and encourage a routine of creating and sharing with others. Let the process of making stuff and learning be time consuming. The whole point here is to learn to slow down. While you’re at it, teach the art of picking up after yourself. Helping each other is key.

I recommend establishing a schedule of sorts. Nothing super rigid, but enough to keep things moving along: At Chez So Called Mom, we’ve developed a schedule kind of like this: 

🧼 Wake up and clean yourself, get ready for your day. 

🐶 Feed and give attention to your assigned animal.

🏋️‍♀️ Get some form of physical exercise.

💡 Learn something new.

📚 Read, draw, create or fix something.

🧘🏼‍♀️ Encourage downtime—our brains don’t need to be going full tilt.

🍽 Pretend tonight is a celebration—cook something nice, set the table like it was a holiday.

🙏🏼 Help each other clean up and care for the things we have—doing this establishes a sense of gratitude for the things we use, as well as appreciation for each other. 

🤬 Whatever you do, don’t freak out…..it’s a work in progress and that’s ok.

Between Pippin and myself — we’ve been on Twitter like maniacs—reacting to each and every ding and reading and retweeting the intense news that no one in their right mind can keep up with anymore. Therefore, we have been trying to balance ourselves—staying informed, but not falling down a rabbit hole too much and letting the day get away from us. After all, the kids are looking to us for direction and we need to stay laser focused on keeping them feeling secure.

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To me, this moment is about taking advantage of living the slow life we’ve all dreamed of—it’s not ideal, but what are the choices? All things considered, I only see a fork in the road: Make the best of what we have to work with or panic and drive each other mad. For us so far, sometimes it’s both, and several times each day, but we are working through it.

This is a team effort and I hope some of what I’m saying gives you ideas on things you can do to stay positive and busy. What are you doing to keep your head about you? Let me know in the comments below—remember, I’m leaning on you, too, for ideas and encouragement. 

OK, signing off, wishing you wellness and serenity….until next time.

xo, So Called Mom

Remember This Day

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Yesterday I was inspired to film and write this poem as I watched my youngest son play, oblivious to the terrible tragedy that has occurred in our world, and is about to hit our home of Washington state and the rest of the USA so hard. This is the start of my coronavirus journal. My hope is that it gives other people hope. Hang on, you are not alone. Please share….you never know who needs to see this. We are in it together.

xo,

So Called Mom

Remember this day we’ll need it tomorrow to drum up the memories that we’ll need to borrow

From talking and laughing and every breakthrough all the growing and learning I’ve looked forward to

Tomorrow will change it will feel like a year and too far from what once felt so near and so dear

But today is the now we can still hang on tight to the brightness that will pass on to a starry night

And so I’ve given you all that I got and it pales in comparison to the joy that you’ve brought

I wish I could promise a different tomorrow to ensure our new memories don’t lead to sorrow

So hold on to this day as the times that you knew life was simple and good and I’ll remember it too