How to Treat Yourself Daily

I posted before about the importance of lingerie and feeling sexy, but I’d like to get underneath why it’s important, key pieces to purchase, and how all of it links to self care.
If you’re anything like me, your days are insane. We run errands marathon-style, eat while balancing a baby on one hip, are signing off on homework, supervising  special projects (and sometimes ending up doing them yourself), cleaning up spills and vomit and doing endless loads of laundry. That’s why it’s critical, and I mean critical, to wear something special underneath it all. I like to think of it as the mom version of the Wonder Woman costume.
So-Called Mom
Many women mistakenly believe that lingerie is for the men in their lives, or worse, only for women who don’t have kids. But I disagree. Lingerie is for YOU. It’s what can make the difference between feeling like a discarded piece of toast and my truly awesome self.
When you take the time to select something for yourself that is pretty and sexy and maybe even makes you feel like “Yowza! I look hot!” you are communicating to yourself: I am worth it.
So-Called Mom
What’s more, is not only am I worth it, but nobody has to know exactly why I feel so worth it. Trust me when I say it will translate on the outside. It makes getting dressed a routine that has become so much more than putting on underwear. It’s my daily discreet push towards increased self love.
So I’ll indulge in a so-called lingerie 101.  I’m not plugging a brand for any particular reason; it’s just my personal taste.  You’ll find yours.
While Victoria’s Secret is not an abomination, I don’t consider it lingerie. I just don’t feel special in their mass produced boudoir-wear. That’s not to say every piece I own is an expensive splurge, but there are pieces that exist that are fairly priced considering your sexy-mama ROI.
These are my top picks:
Expensive or not, the most important thing you can do is protect your investment. 
So-Called Mom
This means putting your unmentionables into a small collapsible soft pouch outside of your regular laundry basket when they are dirty.
Then, it’s time to welcome the regular ritual of Sunday lingerie washing with open arms. I wash them all by hand carefully using a detergent made by The Laundress, a mild  detergent that is so wonderful to work with, you’ll wonder where its’ been all your life. Just wash and hang dry. I suspend my lingerie above my claw foot tub, if anything, just so I can feel frivolous, important and maybe even a little bit French.
So-Called Mom
This ritual has been life changing for my Sundays, the day when most of our kids from our blended family transition to their other parents’ homes. It started out as a distraction from this huge weekly change, but now I absolutely need to do this, because it helps me feel worth it, feminine and most of all, like I’m spending significant time in self care mode. Which doesn’t just include a Sunday mask and extreme downtime/meditation—but also taking the time to prepare these beautifully designed little pieces for the week ahead. 
Like I’m asking them for a favor in return: You take care of me, and I’ll take care of you. A pact.
So-Called Mom
After they are clean, put them on display, make them front and center in your dresser, or give them a drawer of their own. Never fold padded bras with one cup flipped inside out, tucked into the other. Let them lie flat, against one another. Fold your panties special too, by tucking the left side and right side behind the front and folding the bottom to the back. Bows and lace out!
So-Called Mom
Hopefully by now, you don’t think I’m crazy. But there’s another layer to this. My girls have caught on. It won’t be long before they’ll be shopping for their own matching sets, understanding the subtle art of the underpinnings. To me, this demonstrates (early on) the importance of taking care of yourself—a value that is so personal, you can only understand it by trying it and seeing how you feel and how others respond to it.
What do you think? I’d love to hear your take. Time for a mood, booty and soul-sexy overhaul!
With or Without Garters,
So-Called Mom

Me Time Part 2: Stay in Shape

The toughest thing about being a mom – or at least the thing that my friends and I complain most about – is staying in shape. There’s no time; it’s too hard to get to the gym or yoga studio – or I waste money because I never go; there’s no privacy. I’m here to argue that it’s so important for your sanity, that you need to make time. It’s not an option to do nothing. What follows is my simple fix.

I have four things I try to rotate on a regular basis (and I’m not suggesting you try all four, but just for options):  yoga, dance, strength training, and things for flexibility or stretching.

My rule of thumb is simplify!  I do most of my exercises in my bedroom. I wear as little as possible (so I can see my muscles at work), add some music and let it rip. It is me time with the aim of being disrupted as little as possible.  Of course, this rarely happens, but as we say in yoga, it helps me to stay “On the mat” – which means stay focused.  I used to stop what I was doing when they burst through the door, but I have learned to keep going and they either camp out on my bed and watch or even join in.


I use a blank wall for balance exercises and my dresser like a ballet barre, and the small space around my bed for everything else. Sometimes I focus on resistance training basics – you know, those exercises we all used to hate (and still do!)—I do as many sit-ups as my abs can handle, 10 pushups and about 120 leg lifts and lunges on each side. We have a pull up bar installed in our bedroom doorway, and I do 6 pull ups.  Of course, butt exercises are a must.

Always push yourself – easy to say; hard to do. But try to always increase the reps.  When you do pushups, start with ten and add one more every other day.   The same for plies and planks and any other exercise in your routine. Mix it up.  And most importantly, breathe. If you are holding a difficult pose, picture it as one of life’s challenges.  Picture the air intake enveloping the muscle group you’re working on and use it to breathe out as a stronger woman.

Remember to use your workout time as your time. Let your kids see you taking care of yourself, there is no need to hide behind a locked door or stow them in childcare at the gym all the time. My kids see me dance in the kitchen when I’m putting dishes away. I read vogue while sitting in pigeon pose. When you integrate simple activity like this into your daily routine, and stagger it throughout the day, you give your metabolism and mood a boost. And, you don’t let a lack of time (or money) be your only excuse to getting the strength and endurance you want to feel great.

At the very end of the day, unwind in a tub of epsom salts, stretch out and massage your sore muscles in the warm water. You’re worth it after all!

Your Simple Fitness Guru,

So Called Mom

How to Makeover Your Teens

I’m a believer that when you look good, you feel good. And looking good involves a good hair style and make-up. It may not be the most ardently feminist position I could take, but it’s always worked for me.  (frankly, this is not just for girls, but the teenage boy seems to be more generally resistant).  And looking good doesn’t have to mean looking like everyone else or that you have to be classically beautiful.  In fact, it shouldn’t. Sure, that girl is pretty. But how about you? There is no need to look like anyone else, as that look is already taken. I believe you can be yourself and still be fabulous.

Hence, the make-over lesson.  Which in my definition means more than just a hair and clothes overhaul, but also self-care which starts with skin and make-up.  One thing you can be sure of, if you don’t teach this stuff, the internet will.  And that usually doesn’t end well, with some pretty caked on versions of so-called contouring.

So far it looks like only one of my four girls is ready to start this conversation, even though technically Milla and Em are the same age. Milla has already decided, I look good enough without makeup, thanks anyway.  And she may forever be that person, content with who she is.  The other two girls are still too young.

But Em and I are going to play.  (added value is a great bonding opportunity!)

Next up:  A Good Haircut and Shopping Spree!

Your Sophisticated Lady,

So-Called Mom

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

I believe in the power of dressing up.

I often get comments like, “why are you always so gussied up?” and “what’s the occasion?” and my answer is always the same: “If I don’t look good, I don’t feel good. And if I don’t feel good, nothing good happens.” It’s because I need to knock my own socks off before I do the same to anyone else. Worn.

Let’s just say if I’m going to make an impact on life, it’s going to be a head on collision and not a ding. And if there’s going to be trauma either way, I want to at least be able to say I’ve lived. I want to be memorable. And you just can’t do that without a grand costume.

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called MomIt’s like this: How many times have you dressed up and felt great? For me, it’s every damn time. Which is why I always dress up. It doesn’t get old with me. Why would it? Feeling great never gets old. I used to wear sweatpants and jeans. A LOT. And Uggs. Those modern day slippers that scream, “Guess who doesn’t give a f***?!”

While I understand their purpose and have owned a few pairs myself (and I secretly ADORE them), UGG’s, Tom’s and other lazy shoes do absolutely nothing for us. Maybe they give us REALLY flat feet, and some comfort, but that’s it. Heels give you bunions. Courage. Calf muscles. Grace. Beauty. CONFIDENCE. Bunions I can live with. Worn.

Just say no to the average stuff.

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

Jeans with T’s, sweatpants, or anything cheap and trendy (yes those words are interchangeable) don’t make the kind of statement you’re looking for. That stuff is not style. Style is intentional. Style is curated like art. Style is individual. You develop it, like yourself, over time. Style feels GOOD.

What works are investment pieces:

Manolo’s. Louboutin’s. Gucci. Chanel. Oh MY!

Tutu’s. Mini skirts. Classy silk blouses…did I mention tutu’s?

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

All of it, all of it to be worn to the store, to pick up kids, to take out the trash.

Let’s get this straight because I don’t want to confuse you. And I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m not being real with you. I’m not rich. As a matter of fact, I would even go so far as to say I’m poor. But you wouldn’t know it by looking at me and that is because style is not about having money. It’s about having creativity, a pinch of integrity and a dash of class. It is the recipe for living a good life. If you’re urban, you can shop at some of the greatest consignment shops in town and also frequent thrift. If you’re not, there are plenty of online options: Etsy, EBay and the like. Worn.

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called MomThis is how I keep myself from looking like everyone else—being one of a kind. Memorable. A diamond in the rough. A realdiamond, too. And I also want to add that this type of shopping means more. It’s the art of the find. The score. Remember, we are curating, not consuming—so take your time. Make it a ritual. You will not find your true self hidden among the racks of H&M or Forever 21 because that is all about building an empire of lemmings. We are more creative than that.

A note on shoes: I don’t buy them often. In fact, I rarely buy them. But only because I have the same pairs of high end shoes that I have been caring for, for YEARS. My Manolo’s are almost three years old. My Louboutin’s are seven. I simply get them re-soled for $20 each year and they are brand new.

Dressing up like it’s normal is how I take care of myself.

Dressing up is what makes me a woman. This is what I consistently do so I can feel like I am not only on top of my game, but that I am the game. I make the rules, and others play by them–But only when I feel good by looking good. If I can dress, every single day, like I am going to a party, then life will literally be that party. When you dress awesome, you feel awesome. And everyone around you will love you for it. People will talk to you more. You ARE the conversation piece. You are the thing that makes everything LESS awkward. You’re the relief, the icebreaker, the prevention of “let’s play charades!” Who doesn’t Love THAT? Hell, even the gas station attendant dude said to me, weeks ago, “Oh hey, is that Missoni?” He was referring to my sweater, which is huge and gorgeous and accented by magenta fox fur. I told him, “No. I believe it is handmade. There are no tags anywhere and I got it at an estate sale for $65, five years ago.” And now he pumps my gas before anyone else. We talk about clothes each time. Great guy!

Take something simple. The T-Shirt for example. By tucking it in to the bottom half of a ball gown, you have turned your life into a soiree. And THEN go to the grocery store. See? This just helps me live better. I once went to a kids soccer game like this. No regrets from me.

The magic is in the small things too.

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

Another way I keep this girlie-girl on the up and up is by treating myself. Usually this happens on Sundays. I put on a mud mask, hop into the tub and HIDE. My husband does his best to keep the kids out of the only bathroom in the house and to be honest, it doesn’t work for very long. I usually have a small guest jump in, uninvited (the same kid that TAKES up precious space in our bed at night). It’s inevitable— but you’ve got to try.

So let’s move this ship forward by agreeing that we can only reclaim the woman screaming to get out from inside your diaper bag purse by taking a collective vow:

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

“I hereby solemnly swear to toss teething rings that double as necklaces, to wear push up bras that don’t come unhinged to pop a boob out (unless it’s for your husband) and to always, always, choose heels over flip flops.” Worn.

Generate a capsule wardrobe. Buy only the finest underwear (see why here). Elevate yourself with some dead sexy heels. Get caught in the rain—let yourself get soaked, just like they do in the movies. Put mascara on (remember to do both eyes) AND lipstick and then take a walk. Feel better already? I do too!

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

We are foxy ladies. We are hot goddesses. We are mad-sexy mavens. We are the ultimate MILF in sheeps clothing. Hear us roar!

One last thing.

This isn’t about looking good for anyone else but you. We aren’t pin up dolls. We aren’t sex kittens (even though we all know how well we can make ourselves purr). We are made whole by this genius of getting dressed up. We’re not made whole by what other men (even our own) think of us, but what WE think of ourselves. Worn.

Under the surface of this outfit lies skin and beyond that are a whole lotta feelings. Feelings that include the days where I didn’t feel great and I sure didn’t look great. Back then, I had to retrain my thinking around something that only appeared to be surface level: clothing. I started to realize something: If what I wore on the outside could transform how I truly felt on the inside, then I would be cured. So I tried it. Again and again. And even on some days when I’m not so sure, I put on that tutu and I just shine. My love for myself reaches new heights like this–and I may never come down.

What to Wear When You’re Feeling Worn So Called Mom

Self care is up to you. How you feel is up to you. Don’t put it on anyone else to make you feel a certain way. Start here, and let it get out of control! And let it get contagious—get your girlfriends on board. Let’s all look and FEEL gorgeous together. Are you ready? I’ll be looking for you on the town. Worn.

With Love,

So Called Mom

Next post: The Benefits of a Good Fight!