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Why We (over)Film Our Family

by SoCalledMom · Mar 8, 2017

film our family so called mom

We have 60 terabytes of family footage.

For the last ten years of our blended family life together, Pippin and I have been recording just about every single movement of every single member of our family. Why?
Because this life is worth capturing. Well, that’s the easy answer – the puffed-up proud mom answer. Because like anyone else, I love the obvious stuff like first steps and birthdays, Christmas and dance recitals. But the real meat of life is located in between those moments.

Such as Jake’s obsession with pulling out his siblings loose baby teeth. Any and all arguments. Emotional transitions from one parent’s house to the other. Getting sauced late Christmas Eve and sitting among hundreds of unwrapped presents. Recording our turtle dying from an overdose of anesthesia from the vet because the dog ate him.

Screen Shot 2017-03-10 at 5.41.42 PMLife is just so much less staged in these moments, and I feel more connected with the realness, with my kids and my family. These are not Pinterest worthy moments: the house is a mess and the dog is shaking off his smelly wet body everywhere and the cat is eating pizza off the table and the kids are hitting each other and I’m sitting in the center of it all in that moment of truth. You know the feeling? That moment where an inner voice says to you: At one point, this was exactly what you wanted. And better yet: Do you still want it?

These filmed moments of chaos help me say yes. And with some damn conviction.

I wish I could say filming was my idea, but I actually have Pippin to thank. He’s obsessed with recording everything about our family. He claims to “find human interaction fascinating”. He says our family is the test subject—Which he uses to hone his skills on.  “I like to record things that are helpful to other people.  I want to help people in parenting through real life instructional videos.” Full Disclosure:

12799046_568641576638482_7182607379463116633_nAt the beginning of our recorded life together, I was not that keen on being on camera all the time. When Pascal was born, a short year after we met, I was still camera shy—or at least still worried about how I looked on camera. So when Pippin assumed we’d record the birth, it was met with a resounding no. Not when I was the leading lady, huffing and puffing, uncomfortable on my back—with the potential to suddenly not be able to communicate that I wanted him to “turn that freaking thing off.”

But, three continuously recorded years later, things had changed. Leopold’s three camera cinematic set up was in the works before I even made it to the corner suite of the Nine’s Hotel. (Another post for another day, but suffice it to say, Leopold’s birth was less of a How-To guide on birthing a kid, than an intense TMI guide about the discomfort of childbirth. And when we posted that video on Youtube, it probably served as birth-control for someone.

These days I’m totally sold on being filmed at any time of the day, whatever I’m doing.

10730856_370529239783051_348553510128390596_nI now understand his reasons. I think he just thinks his family is the most amazing thing walking the Earth. He doesn’t see the mess of life; he sees family poetry. And if he blinks, it will all be aged out. Whether it’s dancing in the shower, the kids laughing, in the hospital with a broken arm, my yelling at a kid or even bawling my eyes out—it all has it’s logical place in our world together. I would even go so far as to say I get ticked off now when he’s not recording , especially during a critical family moment that we will never recapture.

This is all to give some context about why we film. It’s because to us, these moments matter. All of them. I’ve even thought about setting up a few cameras in the house, to be rolling at all times.

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So then, does this make us a selfie family?

I want to say no, but all signs point to yes. And for the most part, everyone is on board, or at least tolerant. Jake is constantly criticizing us for overusing or “abusing” the cameras. When the camera turns on, Phoenix reduces his personality to resemble day old porridge. Milla dodges questions and MJ slaps her forehead. But on occasion, one of the unwilling participants gives us a gem—a small glimmer into who they are becoming. The rest of the footage is just about how they got there.

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And one of these days, I will be able to sit down and press play. Almost like I get to enjoy my life twice. At least I will never be the mom who says, “I can’t remember.”

I won’t need to remember, it’s all right here.

Aaaand cut,

So Called Mom

Next Post: Letting kids fail

Filed Under: kids Tagged With: advice, family time, family video, kids, marriage, momblog, record everything, relationship, step dad, step family, step kids, step mom, vlog

Do it Like a Grownup

by SoCalledMom · Feb 19, 2017

Do it Like a Grownup so called momWe can’t possibly talk about what revs your engine if the keys can’t even get into the ignition, right?

And it’s like, I’m a sports car, cherry red—No. Classy white with cream seats, and you’re trying to drive me like a truck. No no no. Get the OTHER keys. Grownup.

I believe in the power of lingerie to tame our men. Or at least make them think it’s for them. I’m not talking Victoria Secret. That stuff is only good for period underwear. Don’t expect to feel sexy or worth it if you’re wearing $6 cotton undies. Clean your bathroom with them, and that is all.

Do it Like a Grownup so called mom

I’m talking about buying the French stuff. The stuff that matches. The stuff that isn’t practical anywhere but on you for ten minutes tops and then balled up on the floor for the rest of its time. The stuff that makes you feel like anything but a mom, but can also easily help you become one. It’s an investment—but you, my dear are worth every penny. Then light some candles, maybe fold the laundry and put it away (or at least hide it). Make that bed of yours. Grownup.

After you have your stage set, its all about timing. Grownup.

Oh. Yeah, when on earth are we going to EVER find time for intimacy? Get a sitter and a hotel room? Set an alarm and wake up at 5 am? Stay up late? Well, yes to all of this. We get it in when we can, where we can. One time we were in a fancy bathroom in a fancy restaurant. Another was um, his moms car (Let us all for a moment close our eyes and pretend that never happened. Thank you.). So, mostly, like 90% of the time, this takes place at home, and usually with kids pounding on the door while my forehead hits the headboard in unison.

Do it Like a Grownup so called mom

But wait, you must be thinking: This can’t be sustainable! No one can keep up with that! Somehow we do. Sex is a priority. If we don’t make it one, then it’s all too easy to let your marriage get away from you. Family and work and home stuff is a time suck and you will find excuses not to do it. It’s hard to get it back to honeymoon status or earlier once it’s past a certain point. But rekindling that fire between the sheets without running like hell from the flames takes some trying and some intentional reclaiming of the bedroom.

Sometimes, though, he gets creative. 

Look, I consider myself a simple girl. But my husband likes to take me into sex shops like it was a grocery store. Living in Portland, the sex capital of the universe, helps reduce the embarrassment factor. When we walk in, he clasps my hand like we’re on a date, but I know he’s secretly concerned I’ll run away, and directly into traffic like an unleashed dog. To put myself out of misery? Maybe so. These shops don’t turn me on at all. They make me laugh. Sometimes I wonder if my husband really wants me to become a clown. He takes me down aisles of things that boing and squirt and light up. These things are rubbery and sometimes have suction cups or other adhesive. I know its going to hurt while I’m also laughing my ass off. Sometimes we go down the aisle where I think he really wants me to become a carnie. There is NO WAY that object fits up anywhere on anyone unless you are from another planet.

Do it Like a Grownup so called mom

After I’m through shaming everyone in the store with my jokes, he takes me to an upscale joint. These are places where you can be sure no one else has tried your vibrator before you have. These places are named after French cities and have pricey garter belts that would make him consider missing a car payment just to get it. The stores I prefer to go in have cute shop girls that might let my husband watch them undress a mannequin while I try stuff on. They have antique overstuffed, pin-tucked couches that you know came into the store from a boat. My husband sits on those couches like he owns the place. Grownup.

Believe it or not, it isn’t always about what happens in the bedroom that counts.

Do it Like a Grownup so called mom

It’s about the other stuff that makes you your husbands muse. But it’s so damn easy to forget with everything else taking up space in your world. Shopping for lingerie together is foreplay. It can last for hours. My husband is more than happy to hop from store to store in search of the perfect three inches of fabric attached by lace that will undoubtedly get ruined. THAT is intimacy. Sometimes we hit happy hour and THEN shop for lingerie. Sometimes we’re on our way to get the kids from school and we have a few minutes to spare and we stop in our favorite spot. THAT is also intimacy. This usually leads to him getting champagne (my favorite) and chocolate so often that it makes Valentines Day look like a consolation prize, when it finally arrives. Grownup.

Do it Like a Grownup so called mom

The point is to get as far away from being the mom you think you are in order to reclaim your intimacy. In order to do it like the day you met and wind up under the dining room table, you gotta honor yourself way more. Become the woman you want to be, who also happens to have children. There is room for both. Especially if the current version of you doesn’t seem to be working. I know it wasn’t for me. So I stopped putting square pegs into round holes, especially without lube.

With Love,

This So-Called Mom

Next Post: What to wear when you’re feeling worn.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: bedroom, husband, intimacy, marriage, relationship, sex, wife

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